What day is it?

I’m having difficulty remembering what day it is.  Days tend to all blur together – one bleeding into the next.  We actually still have a notebook we keep logging our son’s diaper changes, feedings, naps, etc.  Otherwise we won’t remember.  Parenthood definitely takes away some of your brain power.

So it’s already Wednesday.  Wow.

I am happy to report I did good on my workout goal for last week.  I did every workout except for Sunday’s yoga DVD.  It’s probably the one I need to most, but the one I feel least guilty about skipping.  Odd, right?  But there were days I had to force myself to do my 15 minute exercise  – and I did it.  So yay!  Small victory dance.

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My goal this week is 30 minutes.  Yesterday that didn’t happen.  Yesterday was chaotic.  My sitter didn’t show up and I had an early morning meeting with my boss – so my husband had to stay with the baby.  And from then on, craziness ensued.  You know how when your day starts off crazy, it just stays crazy.  Unexpected trip to the pediatricians office, ridiculously long lines at the grocery store for 11am on a Tuesday, all that happened.  So no, I didn’t workout then.  But I did my 30 minutes on Monday and today, so I’m just picking up where I left off.  No guilt.  Things happen.  No quitting – that’s the more important thing!

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On a totally unrelated note, while I’m happy I’ve started this exercise regime, I still can’t help looking towards next year for me to finally have some happiness.  I don’t know why – I’ve never been a New Year’s person.  January 1 is just the same as December 31st in my book.  But for some reason I feel like all the hurt and stress I have buried deep down in me will disappear with the changing of the year.  It doesn’t work that way, I know.  I just don’t have the time or the means to release it, and it will stay with me until I do.  That’s a scary thought.  But I just have to keep powering on.  When the feelings overcome me, I let them.  I don’t judge myself.  You can’t wish away sadness anymore than you can wish for more money.  So I just feel it.  And hope that one day I won’t be so sad anymore.

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But that’s my update.  Nothing overwhelming.  Just thought I’d throw this out there.

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Don’t fight that feeling

Ugh.  Ugh is all I can say to describe the past few weeks.

Pregnancy symptoms aren’t fun.  And I was having some very un-fun ones these past 10 days.  And the thing with pregnancy symptoms are they are just plain confusing.  One symptom can be completely normal in some women and a bad sign in another.  So there was a lot of confusion on my part.

I hate to be one of those pregnant ladies who calls her doctor every time something different pops up and I tried not to be.  But it took me 3 calls and 8 days to finally get an appointment with the OB on call.  And it wasn’t anything horrible – but it was something that needed attention and treatment.  (I’m sparing you the details because pregnancy details are just TMI.)  So now I’m in the treatment phase and hoping all turns out well.  Whenever you take any medication when pregnant, it’s a little nerve-racking.  But I just have to trust and have faith.

During this time I really did nothing.  I tried to rest as much as possible.  And it was horrible.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my couch time now.  The third trimester is pretty exhausting.  But there was a span of 5 days where I spent 99% of my time lying around our house.  I can’t lie, it made me a little irritable and depressed.  I got over it – I just had to let myself feel my feelings and then they passed.  But man, that was a bad 5 days.

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So now I’m working more, doing a little bit more (though I’m not exercising until I know I’m all better) and feeling generally better about life.

That’s the thing: sometimes your circumstances can dictate your feelings.  Even though everyone says it’s your attitude that makes a situation good or bad, that’s not always the case.  Sometimes you can’t do anything you want, and it bums you out.  It’s hard to look on the Brightside when you are fighting possible illness, bored out of your mind, worried about your health (and your babies help) and frustrated that you can’t do anything.  And it’s ok to be sad.  It’s ok to be frustrated.  It’s ok to feel exactly what you feel.  I’ve had to learn that the hard way.  Fighting sadness, frustrating, depression, etc. will not make things better.  You just have to live in the moment – allow yourself to be in the mood you are in – and once you have felt all the emotions you need to feel, you can move on.

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So hopefully, I am moving on.  Fingers crossed this medication works and little baby and I will be fine by the weekend!

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