Don’t fight that feeling

Ugh.  Ugh is all I can say to describe the past few weeks.

Pregnancy symptoms aren’t fun.  And I was having some very un-fun ones these past 10 days.  And the thing with pregnancy symptoms are they are just plain confusing.  One symptom can be completely normal in some women and a bad sign in another.  So there was a lot of confusion on my part.

I hate to be one of those pregnant ladies who calls her doctor every time something different pops up and I tried not to be.  But it took me 3 calls and 8 days to finally get an appointment with the OB on call.  And it wasn’t anything horrible – but it was something that needed attention and treatment.  (I’m sparing you the details because pregnancy details are just TMI.)  So now I’m in the treatment phase and hoping all turns out well.  Whenever you take any medication when pregnant, it’s a little nerve-racking.  But I just have to trust and have faith.

During this time I really did nothing.  I tried to rest as much as possible.  And it was horrible.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my couch time now.  The third trimester is pretty exhausting.  But there was a span of 5 days where I spent 99% of my time lying around our house.  I can’t lie, it made me a little irritable and depressed.  I got over it – I just had to let myself feel my feelings and then they passed.  But man, that was a bad 5 days.


So now I’m working more, doing a little bit more (though I’m not exercising until I know I’m all better) and feeling generally better about life.

That’s the thing: sometimes your circumstances can dictate your feelings.  Even though everyone says it’s your attitude that makes a situation good or bad, that’s not always the case.  Sometimes you can’t do anything you want, and it bums you out.  It’s hard to look on the Brightside when you are fighting possible illness, bored out of your mind, worried about your health (and your babies help) and frustrated that you can’t do anything.  And it’s ok to be sad.  It’s ok to be frustrated.  It’s ok to feel exactly what you feel.  I’ve had to learn that the hard way.  Fighting sadness, frustrating, depression, etc. will not make things better.  You just have to live in the moment – allow yourself to be in the mood you are in – and once you have felt all the emotions you need to feel, you can move on.


So hopefully, I am moving on.  Fingers crossed this medication works and little baby and I will be fine by the weekend!



New Year, New Me?

I usually thrive in January.  Goal setting, resolutions, making plans — it’s kind of my thing.  I love it and a lot of times I actually live for it.  Setting goals and trying to accomplish them – it’s a way of life for me.

This January feels very different though.  I haven’t set any goals or resolutions.  I can’t even wrap my mind around making goals or resolutions.

The reason: I am (happily) 6 months pregnant – just a little over a week away from being 7 months pregnant.

So goals have taken on a new meaning for me.  My goal is to make it through the day without being emotionally, mentally or physically overwhelmed.  And that’s really all I can focus on these days.

I am not one of those women who feels great while pregnant.  Since pretty much week 6, I’ve felt crappy the majority of the time.  And while symptoms have lessoned as I get closer to the 3rd trimester, I still fight to get through the day in one piece.  I can’t say I’m surprised.  My body doesn’t handle change very well.  So of course this huge change in my body is creating a bit of havoc.  But it’s worth it.  And really, I am happy to be creating this beautiful life inside me.

But I also feel a little lost at times.  My life has turned into work and trying to survive pregnancy.  I don’t feel like I’ve had a lot of time to really be me.  I do try to exercise 3-4 times a week (depending on how I’m feeling), but it’s been mainly to maintain health, not to challenge myself or grow in strength or endurance.  I don’t cook anymore other than making a less than 10 minute dish because being on my feet wears me  out.  I haven’t written in ages because I feel like all that will come out is complaints about pregnancy.  So a big part of me I feel is gone, which scares me because I know even more of me can and may disappear once this little baby makes an appearance.

So how do you find you in pregnancy?  After almost 7 months, I’m still having trouble figuring that out.  But since it’s January, I have a little more motivation to set out on how to do that.  My life doesn’t have to be going to work, coming home to rest and feel icky, and planning a nursery.  It can have time for me in it before and after baby comes.  I logically know this.  But when you feel blah, it’s hard to get yourself motivated to make the change.  Especially when you have an awesome and loving family who tries to do everything for you because they know you feel yucky.  But it’s time to kick my butt into gear.  Step 1: get off the couch more.  Step 2: get out of the house more.  I have plans to attend a prenatal yoga class.  I love yoga but have not taken a class since I become pregnant due to many reasons.  But I think going to a class filled with other women who are pregnant as well will help me feel better, feel motivated, and get my butt into gear.  So step 3, go out and find some yoga pants that fit me right now 🙂  And then step 4, attend class.  So tomorrow, Maternity store – here I come!

Isn’t it funny how goals and resolutions can change over time?  This time last year I was thinking of running half marathons, doing handstands and pull-ups, and this year it’s finding yoga pants and just going to a class.  But I’m not going to compare these goals.  Both are great, admirable and needed goals for me during the specific time in my life.  I need to embrace my body, embrace my feelings, and live my life.  Because that’s step number 1 to being a healthy, happy me!